If I Stay by Gayle Forman (If I Stay, #1)

I know that Gramps can't be that late-inning pinch hitter I'd hoped for. He won't unplug my breathing tube or overdose me with morphine or anything like that. But this is the first time that anyone has acknowledged what I have lost. I know that the social worker warned Gran and Gramps not to upset me, but Gramps's recognition and the permission he just offered me -- it feels like a gift.

I picked up If I Stay because I had heard it was slated to become a movie soon and, with all the good reviews I'd heard coming from the four corners of the YA world, I figured it was one of those novels I just couldn't miss.

When Mia wakes up from the terrible car crash that instantly killed her parents and sent she and her brother to the ICU, she is presented with a choice. While her body lies on the hospital bed, fighting to make it from one minute to the next, her consciousness is somehow outside of it, able to see her family, friends, even the nurses that surround her. She begins to realize that somehow the choice has been handed to her: she can stay or she can go.

The choice is more difficult than any she's ever had before. With the kind of devastation she'll have to deal with if she stays, leaving sounds like the perfect option. No more pain, no more struggle. Still, what she has left might just be worth living for. In the end, it's up to Mia. Only she can decide her own fate.

After the end of the book itself, Gayle Forman has added a page that explains the inspiration for If I Stay. Apparently, she got the idea from the story of a family of four who were also involved in a tragic accident where one held on longer than the others, but died in the end. She remembers wondering whether that last child realized that his family was gone, that they had moved on without him, and chose to go along with them. She decided to explore that thought in this book. What an intriguing idea! I can see why she wanted to look into it further.

On top of a very interesting premise, we are presented with Mia, our main character, who I really enjoyed getting to know. She's a sweet girl who was close with her family and carries hope for a promising future. She has a loving boyfriend and a loyal best friend, both of whom are devastated by this disaster and pulling for her to come back to them.

The writing was excellent and the characterization well-done. I really enjoyed this read and the important questions it asked. Forman didn't shy away from the hard questions or even Mia's thoughts about letting it all end here. It would be really easy for this to become the sort of book that basically shouts at the reader about life being worth living. This book didn't do that. Not at all. And I loved that about If I Stay. It was real and it legitimately grappled with the choice instead of making it a PSA.

Rating: ★★★★☆
"But if you need me to go away, I'll do that too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would just be too painful, that maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I'd do it. I can lose you like that if I don't lose you today. I'll let you go. If you stay."